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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. (Lana Turner) |
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It isn't easy being a Dick (imagine a dick speaking). I've got a head I can't think with, an eye I can't see with, and most of all I have to hang around with two nuts all the time. My closest neighbour is an asshole and my best friend is a pussy. But worst of all: my owner beats me all the time! |
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the women listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, both speak and the neighbous listen. |
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"Both of my marriages have been dissapointing. My first partner left me, and my second one didn't." |
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Man: rules the roost. Woman: rules the rooster. |
On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said: "I can't wear your pants." "That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family. The bride took offher panties and asked her husband to try it on. "No way, I can't get into your pants." "That's right. And that's the way it will be until you change your attitude." |
| Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. |
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Some people think life begins at conception, while others think life begins at birth. But some believe that life begins when the kid moves out and the dog he left behind dies. |
Q: How do men define marriage? A: A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. |
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A man put a "wife wanted" ad in the classifieds. The next day he received 100 responses. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." |
 Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. |
As was common, they got into a nasty quarrel at breakfast. "You're not good in bed, either!" yelled the husband as he stormed out to work. Around lunch time, he had cooled off and decided to apologize, so he called home. After many rings, his wife answered. "What took you so long?" he yelled as his temperate began to rise again. "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed?" "Getting a second opinion." |
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The husband bought his frigid wife a big tube of K-Y jelly and told her: "This will make you happy." It did. She put it on the bedroom doorknob after he went out. |
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Adam to Eve: "Hey! I wear the plants in this family!" |
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Growing old gracefully: "My wife is just as beautyful as when I married her 20 years ago. Now it just takes her longer. |
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A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded:"If it weren't for my money,
the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied: "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here." |
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. |
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There are some who feel it is inappropriate to make fun of the holy institution of marriage. Then there are others who know it's the only way we can live with it. |
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Marriage is grand. Divorce is about ten grand. |
If men got pregnant, sons would have to be home from dates by 10.00 PM. |
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Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. |
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Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. |
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning. |
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"My wife only has two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space..." |
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. |
"Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." |
| The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're standing on. |
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| Cosmetics: A womans' means for keeping a man from reading between the lines. |
| Do not marry a person that you know you can live with. Only marry someone that you cannot live without. |
Remarks, reactions, questions and other nonsense to send us? Email: menwomen@sd.nl
