Do's and don'ts for men

So you would like to know how to handle these spoiled creatures called 'women'?
No problem. We'll tell you all about their little ways in which they try to get you into their webs and we'll give you hints and tips that'll make them think they're getting there, but instead causes them to act just the way you want them to.

There's one very important thing you have to bear in mind when handling women: They're constantly trying to manipulate you into things you really don't want to. But that's over now! We'll show them that you can be as good as manipulating as they are and, even better, we won't tell them about your newly acquired knowledge, will we?

If you meet an attractive specimen, DON'T say she looks beautiful. DO say she has an intelligent look (even if she looks really dumb)

Cosmopolitan told them that brains are more important than beauty, but the magazine forgot to write that intelligence isn't observable. So you can still hold on to part of your line and she'll think that you're a man cosmopolitan would agree upon.

If she starts talking about how much she would love to bear your child, DON'T feel flattered and certainly DON'T propose. DO run like hell.

Her talking about these subjects is a sign that she's trying to get you into her web of marriage, tasks you hate and ridiculous prohibitions.

If she asks you to go shopping with her, DON'T give in to her begging, blinking or even crying when you say no. DO give her a small amount of cash to spend - preferably on you.

She would've taken your money anyway, but now you know exactly how much. Moreover, you don't have to waggle behind her all afternoon AND, pobably the most important argument, she's remembered of who's really boss here.

If she had far too much to drink (she'll probably say she just had a little bit too much, but you know better), DON'T make love to her passionately. DO put her into bed lovingly and go lay on the couch yourself.

This way, if she wakes up the next morning, you won't hear her groan the first few minutes and the best part is that she'll think you are the sweetest man on earth.

DON'T say this during sex...

But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober.
On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Is that blood on the headboard?
Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
You look younger than you feel.
They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
Did I tell you my Ant Martha died in this bed?
Have you ever considered liposuction?
What are you planning to make for breakfast?

Remarks, reactions, questions and other nonsense to send us? Email: menwomen@sd.nl